At some point, we can become too full and shatter, leaving ourselves to pick up the pieces of who we are. Or…the different pieces of who we are become disjointed from each other, causing us to feel fragmented within our own souls.
…my challenge to you this week is to create something out of pieces, specifically, a mosaic. Break something or cut something or separate something and then put it all back together into a new and beautiful whole. Breaking something changes it, perhaps irreparably, but it gives us a new opportunity, a new chance, a new beginning, to create something different and something whole.
Immediately after reading this, I knew what I would do. (although it took me all week to actually do it!) Once again, my story involves how God has worked in my life. It just had to. I realize that we all come from diverse backgrounds, and the fact is, I am nothing without Jesus. So that is why all my projects end up being about Him. When I search deep into myself, I always see what He has made. I’m not sure why I feel the need to explain this. I think I just want to let everyone know that I respect everyone’s beliefs, and that this is the authentic “me.”
When I was in High School, I started having a recurring dream. I was on the floor, with puzzle pieces strewn about, crying. I couldn’t make it work. I just couldn’t put my life together like I knew it was supposed to look. I would wake up with this profound sense of sadness. Each time I would have that dream, I remembered it, although I had no idea why.
In college, my life began spiraling out of control, with partying and drinking. I knew it wasn’t supposed to be this way, but I thought this would bring me happiness. I longed for a companion, but every one I thought I’d found took from me and didn’t give back. A terrible event happened which left me numb, and convinced I wasn’t worth the goodness I desired.
In short, my life was like the puzzle pieces on the floor. Torn apart. I did not have the ability to put it back together myself.
During my sophomore year, a girl named Wendy befriended me. There was something different about her. She made me meals, asked me deep questions, we had fun…and she was committed to Jesus. Before her friendship, I felt I had nothing in common with these people, and I thought they would surely look down on me. Wendy helped me through a short bout with bulimia (a cry for help, not necessarily the full-blown sickness), listened to me share about my broken relationships, and was real to me. After a year of telling her I would never be able to live like her, I decided to try.
In a church service one night, as I was singing, I felt this immense joy bubble up in my belly. At the time, I had several hard situations I was dealing with, but I remember being so sure at that moment that God would take care of me. That if I just committed myself to Him, whatever that meant, I would be OK.
Thus began my journey into who I am today. After I had been torn apart by doing life my way, Jesus was the only one who could put me back together, and He has created such a beautiful work of art. I am so thankful that He searched for me and found me as a shepherd finds his lost sheep. My life changed drastically after that night. Even two pictures of me, taken two weeks apart, looked like two different people.
A little while after I committed my life to Jesus, I had the dream again. This time, a father, which I knew represented God, came and sat down beside me. He picked up the pieces one by one, and created the picture that would be my life in Him. I felt so much joy in the final version of that dream. I’ve never dreamed it since, but instead, I am living it. Every day I’m amazed at the new creation that is me, and I owe it all to Jesus.
In honor of the ultimate mosaic-maker, the One who can take the pieces of our broken lives, and put them together again, I made my mosaic out of puzzle pieces.