I recently had to leave my family for a business trip. I travel fairly often, about once every 2-3 months, and everything is usually fine. I’m happy to have some uninterrupted work time and networking with colleagues and friends. My kids have some daddy-time, which they LOVE. And my husband really supports my work, so he doesn’t mind when I go for a few days. It’s usually all hunky dory.
But this time, it was different. As I was saying goodbye, hugging and kissing my girls, I found myself looking over every inch of their faces. I had this uncanny urge to grab them and not ever let go. I had an intense feeling of fear that something would happen to them or me.
As I pulled away from the house, tears filled my eyes and overflowed down my cheeks. This has never happened before. I am a vigorous supporter of obeying my intuition. I feel like God gave us intuition naturally, as well as supernatural discernment; it is a gift from Him. This intuition/ discernment saved my life once, and it has served me well in avoiding shady people and business deals. God also sometimes shows me people and situations to pray for with these intense feelings.
“What is this, Lord? Are you trying to tell me something? Should I not go? Are you preparing me for tragedy?”
My heart was pounding and my breath was short. And I heard His voice so clearly in my mind.
“For I (God) have not given you the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
When the Lord speaks, it causes a deep conviction in my heart and mind. A certainty that I know something, or that I need to do something, or pray about something. He brings a compelling knowledge that I could not have had without Him.
But he does not bring FEAR.
If I am afraid, panic stricken, or paralyzed by dread, that is not the Lord’s voice.. As soon as I accepted this premise, the dreaded feeling subsided.
Does that mean something bad won’t happen? Not necessarily. But it means I am trusting the Lord for the future. I and my family are in His hands, even if something bad happens. God is teaching me through situations like this (and through counseling) that I do not do well when I feel powerless. However, HE has given me power through Jesus’ sacrifice and the Holy Spirit working in me.
Have you ever had a feeling like this? What was it like? How did you deal with it?